I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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