you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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