Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
