he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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