Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Randomize
