All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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