Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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