maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
