don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
