Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
