dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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