I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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