I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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