i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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