Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
