We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
