the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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