How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
