Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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