I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
