I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
