I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
