I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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