Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
