i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
