Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
