Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
