be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
