Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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