Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
