where am i from again
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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