"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
