I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
