The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
