I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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