best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
