mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
