i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Randomize
