im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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