we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Ladies don't puke and tell
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
