do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i dont even know how to be here
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
