this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
