Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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