I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
