is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
