you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
