she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
