I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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