I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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