his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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