so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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