if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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