Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
