So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
