dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
