"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
