how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
