uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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