you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
