So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
