How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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