I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
