I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize