How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
This show inspires me to have sex in space
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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