its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
