She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
