I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
