Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize