wrigley field is MILF paradise
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
