Joe is yelling at the trees again.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize