All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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