his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize