He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
