I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
