Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
my poor anus
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
