I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
