when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
