Nicole vs. Life
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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