Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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