I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
