so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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